![Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation\](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/aU2SWgP9qao/2.jpg "Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation\") |
Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 142 seconds Police invaded notorious meth dealer Daryl Krogen's home, seizing dozens of bicycle parts and more than ten dollars worth of stolen paint. |
![In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don\](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/2RrreVthWRY/2.jpg "In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don\") |
In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit? Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 138 seconds Panelists discuss the many ways in which our educational system caters to students who try, care, are awake. |
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TIME Announces New Version Of Magazine Aimed At Adults Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 114 seconds Doing away with kid-friendly info bubbles and colorful photos, new 'TIME Advanced' will cater to adults with an interest in news. |
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Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 159 seconds On Today Now!, author Christine Eckard teaches Jim and Tracy to imagine economic problems as oily, curly-haired "Grabblers." |
![Guatemalan Flight\](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8du60e0ANuE/2.jpg "Guatemalan Flight\") |
Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot Holds Clues To Crash Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 139 seconds Chilling audio recovered from Flight 1134's data-recording parrot, Banana, contain mentions of "altitude loss", "pretty feathers". |
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Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 139 seconds Today Now! welcomes entertainment reporter Alex Blair, who has all the gossip on Jen's adorable new man. |
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Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 185 seconds "'Molly' and Developmental Psychologist Dr. Kenneth Ives come on Today Now! to talk about her upbringing as a half-human, half-Wolf Blitzer. |
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Future: News From The Year 2137 - Now Available Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 51 seconds Purchase Now from iTunes: http://onion.com/ONN fn6 While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. With our state-of-the-art wormhole satellites, we can now transmit Onion News Network broadcasts from the year 2137. |
![Al-Qaeda Calls Off Attack On Nation\](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/T1l217B88nk/2.jpg "Al-Qaeda Calls Off Attack On Nation\") |
Al-Qaeda Calls Off Attack On Nation's Capitol To Spare Life Of 'Twilight' Author Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 193 seconds ONN's Terrorism Expert Omar Al-Farouq explains how Al-Qaeda's love for the beloved teen vampire series prevented the death of thousands. |
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USDA Recalls 96,000 Pounds Of Tainted Beef From One Family Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 114 seconds Officials say a positive E. coli test prompted the recall, affecting the Wharton family's stores of ground beef, beef chuck, and rump roast. |
